I am currently floating on cloud 9 after my 5th Annual Stilettos and Strategies Women’s Conference this weekend! While it was not without mishaps and unpredictable occurrences, it was successful because the objective was met, the tickets sold out, the feedback was positive, and the budget was in the black. Now, this may not mean much to you, but to me it is everything.
I know that many think that because I am an event planner, I have all the answers and never experience hiccups. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth! In fact, the hardest thing for an event planner to do is plan their own event. Some of it is because we are not our clients and we are not working with the same level of budget that our high ends clients entrust to us.
W also e don’t give ourselves the same time and energy that we give to our paying clients. We give them so much time that we rush our tasks because we have limited hours to apply the same level of focus to our project when we have 9 other irons in the fire that have the power to make our break our reputation and livelihood. But, I still managed to pull off an amazing event that truly touched and transformed the hearts of all who attended. So, I want to share my secrets to success to anyone that may have had challenges getting the attendance they desired and the event flow down to science.
Having a successful in-person event requires a little more work than a webinar, meeting, happy hour, or pop up mixer, but they are much more meaningful and fun. Sure, they take a bit of planning, but if you follow these tips you’ll be well on your way to a sold out function.
Good planning and plenty of forethought will only help you to reach your event related goals. More importantly, it will show your guests how much you value you them and respect their time shared with you. If planning events makes you break out in a cold sweat, head on over to my company Esyntial Elements at esyntialelements.com (@esyntialelements) and schedule a FREE consultation.
Love & Light
The number one thing that a large population of people find attractive is confidence. And, its no different in your own business or start up. Yet, most people have never received formal training on how to be a powerful in-command man or woman.
Despite what most think, the type of confidence that quality clients and business partners look for in a person has nothing to do with acting tough or being arrogant or appearing to be a “know it all”. Confidence is KING and it could be the one FREE thing that you’re missing to help you get the results you want from your efforts.
I’ve seen it a gazillion times… someone who is working hard, providing quality content and programs or products, and has been consistently progressing forward in their focus area but can’t seem to get a big break. It’s like they’ve hit a wall because they are truly having a tough time breaking into the next dimension. They are doubting themselves because revenue, support, attendance, ticket sales etc. are slowly coming in.
And to make you feel like a good for nothing individual, you are bombarded by the appearance of everyone elses success around you. It looks like you are way behind the curve. I have news for you. You are not. You just haven't leveraged your confidence. And later this month, I am going to hop on the air and talk about how having confidence helps you attract the opportunities you long for. But today, I want to discuss 5 quick things to try on for size to help you work on your confidence. I believe that if you look at yourself and appreciate all of the things about you that you have learned from, grown from, and become better as a whole, you will focus less on what others around you are doing.
I promise you, these 5 tips may sound corny at first, but theyvactually friggin work! And I'll share with you what a friend of mine once told me. He said that even if you have 1 tooth in your entire mouth, you just need to keep that sucker white! LOL THAT is confidence.
Now it will take a lot of time to walk around with 1 tooth in your mouth and smile big all day, but for now we are going to talk about 5 easy things that you can do to build Kick Ass Confidence.
I want you to just start with these things everyday and in a matter of 21 days, you'll feel different. You'll see yourself looking in the mirror differently and you'll even feel a lot less intimidated when you have an opportunity within your grasps.
1. Use Music
One of the simplest tricks for helping yourself to both take action and feel more confident: Creating your own inspiring musical playlist, and playing it whenever appropriate. (Athletes know this secret and use music all the time, while training at the gym.)
Just as sad music in melodic keys can help us process feelings when life hits us like a ton of bricks... like relationship breakups or the loss of a loved one - rnergizing music or inspiring music actually raises our confidence level to the point where we take action. I mean think of your workout playlist. We all think playing Beyonce music will help us to not die on the treadmill or 5 mile run.
Choose your own favorite “theme song” and play it just before you step out into something that would usually scare the pee right out of you. Why do you think Ford used this same philosophy in one of their new car campaigns when a woman was sitting in her car blaring "Flavor in your ear". The song said "I'm kicking flavor in your, time for brand new flavor in your ear". Maybe she was psyching her self up to introduce a new way of thinking to her colleagues. One could imagine for days, but you get what I am saying here. Use music.
2. Dress for Success -
This doesn’t mean putting on a formal business suit to eat breakfast. It does mean that everyday you should try to dress in a way that boosts your self-confidence and makes you feel good about yourself.
Don’t try to copy your ideal celebrity or social media crush unless that’s a look you totally relate to. But the idea behind this tip is to focus more on dressing a way that makes you feel like you have already achieved your top goal. If you see yourself with a mohawk in many colors and layers, go for it. If you see yourself as edgy and trendy, go for it. If you see yourself in tailor made suits and killer accessories. wear them! And take note of how it makes you feel, when you dress for success.
Change your hairstyle. Buy those shoes you’ve been wistfully drooling over. Don’t worry about what other people think. Wearing what makes you feel successful and confident will attract the right doors to open —for you.
3. Adopt a Mantra and Live By It
For centuries different tribes, teams, and organizations came up with mantras and slogans that motivated, elevated, and inspired: sports teams, military groups, non-profits, businesses…
These mantras have led people and helped shape cultures. So I am positive that making a mantra will help you to build some kick ass confidence! Confidence and Passion drives everything. It creates positive energy. It motivates. It is contagious. And I also think confidence gives life to creativity and innovation, because only when people are both passionate and confident about something, can they come up with creative solutions, give their all, and drive transformative change that they want for themselves.
You may not know it but I have a few that I speak everyday. I have positive affirmations yes, but its different from a mantra. I pray yes. I practice gratitude and the law of attraction but I still have a Mantra that I live by.
Mine is "All it takes is all you’ve got". This builds my confidence and reminds me that I have everything I need right now to go after what I want. And as crazy as I look to others, I believe it and that makes all the difference.
4. Start Small
Do you have a big change to make? Don’t wait for the “right time”—start small. For example, if you want a new office but can’t afford it, try buying a new piece of furniture or an accessory for your office that will make your life easier—like a bookshelf; or even just a shelf. Or a new lamp, Or even just some flowers because you deserve them!
When you start to surround yourself with things that signify success or make life easier, you are sending yourself a strong message - “I CAN have this in my life! I deserve this!” Your confidence soars because you begin to make choices that speak volumes louder than you have ever made before. Start Small.
5. Make Confidence a Habit
Contrary to what others might think, no one is born with supreme self-confidence. It has to be learned. And it CAN be learned.
So consciously work on changing your habits. Take actions you need to take, change negative self-talk to realistic and more positive talk, and actively adopt the attitude of what you define as a successful person.
Confidence is not only for the lucky few who “succeed”. Anyone can have it—all you have to do is create the habit.
I know that you’ve heard the word “authentic” at nauseam in this day and age…but it’s kind of hard to take it seriously when “glow up” and post-worthy ONLY pics dominate every timeline across the globe. Yet and still, authenticity is a necessary concept if you ever decide to make a living doing something you love. Of course! We rely on social media for free advertising to tell people who we are, what we have to offer, and why they should work with us, and we want to put our best foot forward.
However, there is a fine line between authenticity and disrespect.
I get that you have to keep it real or keep things “100”. I also get that Cardi B makes no apologies for who she is and has used who she is to set records worldwide. I also get that you only get one life and one reputation. But, as a woman who makes her living and feeds her family off of her craft, I have to be me, authentically, unapologetically, and with respect for other views and opinions. Doing so, I can attract a variety of interests to the thing or idea that I want to sell for a profit.
For decades, studies were completed and it was proven that people hire and buy from those they know, like, and trust – The KLT Factor. So, the best way to earn the trust of your clients is to be authentic in how you present yourself. But, how do you do that and do it effectively?
I guess you’d have to start with the question - What is authenticity? Other than being a commonly-used buzzword these last few years, authenticity means being your true self in both words and actions.
Bottom line, your words and actions should match. Your passion should be evident but not look like it’s a well-rehearsed act. Your honesty and integrity should be evident when speaking to you – about anything, not just in certain areas. And, your online persona should match your offline persona when people meet you in person. When these things are congruent, people are more likely to trust you personally and soon after professionally.
I know for me, there is a subtle nuance to authenticity because there is a thing called perception that can truly screw some people up. Sometimes things are perceived spot on. Other times things perceived are further from the truth that you ever imagined. Though, you have to get over it and focus on being consistent until the false perception is not even a possible reality.
You also have to let yourself relax and remove the pressure to be authentic. You are authentic already because there is no other version of you. You are not a handbag, or seasoned cuisine from a region on earth. You just have to recognize that being authentic really means being the YOU that YOU are in a particular setting. Sometimes we struggle with owning the fact that we have situational behaviors that we exhibit that don’t discredit who we say we are. For instance, wearing shorts or a business casual outfit to a corporate fundraising gala where the other attendees are in formal tuxedos could be seen as a sign of disrespect, even if that’s what you wear at your own house or office. Or, lets say you start cursing in the middle of a staff meeting or in your emails or on your social media posts - even if that’s how you speak at home, it could be seen as disrespectful and off putting to anyone that could be considering a joint venture with you. This ultimately could get you further away from what you really desire.
No matter how you define the word authenticity, it’s an important trait when it comes to company branding and associating yourself as your company’s spokesperson. If you find that you are not the best spokesperson for your brand, admit it and find someone who is. Or, change your focus altogether because, likeability is the REAL IT FACTOR that will connect you to your ideal client. Not everyone will like you personally, but many could like what you stand for or what you are skilled at providing. We see it every day. People may not like the personal choices of Tiger Woods, but he undeniably is a great golf player who made the sport more exciting.
So, why is this important to me? I’m glad you asked. This is important to me because I want people to not look at authenticity as a mechanical formula or how to be, think, or speak with others. Rather, I want them to ask themselves “Am I aligned and congruent in my thoughts and actions on a day to day basis? “Do I display and uphold my own values?” “Am I honest with myself and others?” These questions help you to remain authentic and true to yourself so that you exude confidence, skill, and belief in yourself which ultimately attracts who you truly desire to be connected with in life, love, friendship, and business.
How this plays out in real life.
Take a used car salesman stereotype for example. Now when I use this as an example, some of you instantly can picture a sleazy fast talking guy who is pleasant to your face when you approach the car lot looking to make a purchase, but then bad mouths you to the other sales persons when you are out of earshot. He gripes on and on about how horrible you are for wasting his time and not buying his car or asking too many questions if you don’t drive off in the car you felt him forcing on you.
For most people, that would turn them off from buying from him and the establishment because you wouldn’t trust anyone there if they allowed this to go on. True, he may be a forth right person. He may even authentically be direct in personality, but his actions are not in alignment with his goals. His goal was to sell you a car. His goal was to make a good impression on you to close the deal and get a bonus.
Instead, his actions did the exact opposite. So in my opinion, he was inauthentic. He defaulted to the stereotypical sales persona we all imagine instead of aligning himself with the actions that would have generated the outcome he wanted.
So again, authenticity is not about becoming someone you are not. Its about being honest with yourself and others about where you are and what you hope to accomplish and doing it in your own unique and respectful manner.
Now, lets see how that scenario would have played out with another type of salesman who’s authentic approach was centered around the idea of genuinely wanting to help you.
In this example his only goal was to sell you a reliable used car. He was focused on selling you a car that actually works because he remembers when his car was flooded out in a hurricane and felt desperate.
From his own unique experience, he could authentically answer any questions you might have and would be willing to find the answers if he didn’t know them right off the bat. He would be honest about the inner workings of the car and would be disappointed if you walked away from the deal, but you wouldn’t feel pressured to buy something you’re not ready for at the moment. So, you, the buyer, would leave, and he would thank you for your time. He then would invite you to give him a call if you wanted to revisit the opportunity to work with him.
So, you, the buyer, leave, shop around and run into a few other sleazy sales persons who just didn’t seem as authentic as the second example above. Guess what happens? You, the buyer, go back to the person that was most authentic and buy whatever they recommend even though they may not have exactly what you were looking for initially.
Why??? I’ll tell you why… the second sales person gave you the better authentic vibe. They had the KLT factor. You felt like you knew them personally. You liked them… but more importantly, they appeared trust worthy.
So, don’t believe the hype. Be you. Be respectful. Be authentic, and you will align yourselves with what you desire for your life and business.
Nu Epps, Author
Nu shares pages from her personal journal as she recounts some of the lessons and experiences she survived as a brand new entrepreneur. Between the stories, she also shares tips, tricks, and techniques to transform your mind, empower your creativity, and improve your business processes to keep you profitable and sane in your business.
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